


What We Cling To

by GoodnightNobody



Category: Real Person Fiction
Genre: F/M, nian, real person fiction - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-28
Updated: 2016-11-28
Packaged: 2018-09-02 21:53:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8684815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoodnightNobody/pseuds/GoodnightNobody
Summary: Ian and Nina are coworkers, friends, and lovers, caught in a cycle of making up and breaking up. When their relationship faces the ultimate test, will their love prevail or will it fall apart? NOT A HAPPY STORY. MA/ Sexual content/ graphic subject matter





	

The hardest kind of breakup is the breakup when the love is just not enough. It’s so much easier to breakup if you can just hate each other and move on with your lives.

Ian and Nina seemed to be trapped in a perpetual cycle of breaking up and making up, they knew they couldn’t be together but neither one of them wanted to be with anyone else. After three blissful years together, Ian had essentially told Nina that it was time to ‘fish or cut bait’ and she had told him the truth: She just wasn’t ready. She had too much life left to live. She wasn’t ready to be a wife and a mommy and home at 5pm every night to cook dinner. So they had broken up, they didn’t want the same things.

Ian moved out of their home and made an effort to put emotional distance between them, but working so closely together, so many long hours on set, traveling together, restaurants, parties, bars, hotel rooms, they often ended up in each other’s arms. 

Before the summer hiatus they decided they would not contact each other, make a clean break. Pull it off quickly like a Band-Aid, take all the pain at once… And they did, but now as they sat across from each other at the first table read of the season, it was significantly harder to keep their distance. 

Ian watched as she crossed and uncrossed her long, tanned, summer legs under the table, her jean cutoffs riding up her thighs with each movement. She chewed on the cap of her pen and looked down her nose through her glasses at her script. He couldn’t keep his eyes off her. 

When the table read was over and the room had emptied out, Nina made her way over to him. They hugged, her hug felt like home. 

“Did you bring him?” She asked.  
“I did.” He savored the time in her arms. “I thought you would be eager to see him.”  
“I’m so excited.” She clapped her hands. 

They went to Ian’s trailer where Nina was attacked by their dog, a miniature yorkie they rescued from a puppy mill and named “Teddy Bear”. They had agreed to share custody, but Ian had taken care of him all summer since Nina had been traveling. 

“I think someone missed his Mommy.” Ian watched the reunion.  
“Mommy missed her Bear.” Nina sat on the floor and hugged the dog to her chest. 

 

The studio rented out a bar for the season kickoff party that weekend. Everyone was drinking and dancing and fooling around like no time had passed at all. Their costar, Candice, was watching Ian over Nina’s shoulder.

“He’s totally checking out your ass.”  
“Will you stop.” Nina took a sip of her drink. “He told me he doesn’t want to be with me, end of story.”  
“No he didn’t. He told you he SHOULDN’T be with you. There is a difference.”  
“Whatever.” Nina shrugged.  
“I know you’re waiting for him, I can see the sexual frustration in your choice of clothing tonight.” She gestured towards Nina’s very tight, very low cut dress.  
“I thought it was pretty.”  
“Yeah, okay.” She joked. “Come on. Let’s dance.” 

A few drinks later, Nina was in Ian’s arms. She knew she was backtracking, but his body felt so good pressed against hers. She could feel his dick was already hard and pressing into her belly and she was rubbing her thighs together to satiate the ache between her legs. 

“I miss you so much, baby…” Ian whispered into her ear.  
“Don’t do that.” She kissed his neck, stopping to suckle a spot that tasted like him.  
“Do what?”  
“Call me ‘baby’.”  
“Okay…” He pulled his head back to smile at her. “NINA.” He enunciated each salable of her name. 

He could tell be the way she was arching her body in to his and burying her face in his neck that he already had her, he didn’t need the help of pet names. 

When they got back to Nina’s, Ian used his foot to kick the door closed and pushed her up against the kitchen wall. They were both just drunk enough not to give a fuck about what they should and should not be doing. He slid his hands up the back of her legs and under the hem on her dress. He squeezed her ass in his hands and pulled her pelvis into his, letting her feel his massive erection. 

Nina gripped his hair to hold his head in place as she pressed her tongue into his mouth to find his. She unbuttoned his jeans and reached her hand inside to touch the head of his penis. She used the watery fluid seeping from it to coat her fingers and then spread it around. Ian grunted and pressed his hips into her hand. 

“Do you like that?” She wrapped her hand around his shaft and made a long stroke.  
“Yes.” Ian pushed his pants down around his hips so she had better access. “I like that…” 

He kissed down her throat and to her chest. He pulled one of the straps of her dress down and tucked the material under her breast. He licked around the newly exposed flesh. He was having trouble concentrating with what Nina’s hands were doing. All he knew was he wanted her. He needed her. Now. 

He pulled her tiny lace panties down her legs and pushed her dress up around her waist. He wrapped his arms around her body and sat her on the edge of the counter. He took his dick in his hand and ran the head along the lips of her vagina, letting is lubricate before he rubbed it into her clit. Nina moaned into his shoulder. She wrapped her arms around his neck and took a handful of his hair. She ground her hips down on to his cock. 

“Do you like that?” Ian whispered into her ear as he made little circles in the swollen tissue. 

Nina groaned and pushed her hips forward but Ian took his cock in his hand and pulled it away.

“I said…” He turned his face to hers. “Do you like that?”  
“You’re such a jerk.” She breathed out. “Yes.” She sighed. “I like that.” 

He forcefully pushed up into her, then, he stopped. He held her head and took it from his shoulder. He gently kissed her and rested his forehead against hers. It felt amazing to be connected with her again. He had never had sex with anyone like he had sex with her. She was very young and inexperienced when they had first gotten together and he had made sure she had the absolute best experience in all of her “firsts”. 

He wrapped his arms around her torso and held her to him while he made long, deep strokes. Nina’s moans filled the room and, never one to be shy about her needs, she took Ian’s hand moved it between her legs. His thumb rubbed the swollen skin of her clit and her head dropped back, hitting the cabinet behind her.

He kissed along her parted, panting lips even though her mouth had stopped responding, too close to orgasm to register anything that was happening around her. 

When her thighs started to quiver and her little moans turned in to the silence of a held breath, she let her head fall forward to his shoulder. He held her waist and pushed up into her, making rapid movements. He turned his head to suckle her lip as he came, his fingers digging into her flesh. He rocked his hips, grunting into her mouth, as he ejaculated over and over again, finally one with her. 

He was still inside her when he pulled his head back and used the flat of his hands to wipe the hair from her face. He wrapped his arms around her midsection and lifted her from the counter to carry upstairs.

He laid her on the bed and pulled her dress over her head, tossing it to the ground. He moved over her body and kicked his pants from his feet. He brushed his nose against hers.

“There is no way you’re ready already, again…” Nina ran her fingers through his hair.  
“I haven’t had sex in four months…” He kissed her. “Yes, I’m ready already, again.”  
“You haven’t?” Nina tried to hide the desperation in her voice.  
Ian shook his head.  
“Have you?” He said without thinking. “Actually, never mind. You don’t need to tell me anything. I am not your boyfriend.”  
“It’s okay.” She looked up at him. “I haven’t.” She bit her lip.

He rested his forehead on hers and nipped her lips. He reached over to the bedside table and opened the drawer. He silently observed the brand and type of condom hadn’t changed, and that the box looked undisturbed. He smiled as he rolled one on to his penis before he pushed back into her body. The frantic reunion they had in the kitchen was over and they moved listlessly. 

Ian interlaced their fingers and held them on either side of Nina’s head. Her legs wrapped around his waist and her heels dug into his lower back, wordlessly encouraging him to get deeper. He rolled his hips, earning a long, low moan from his partner. 

“Ian…” Nina tried to work her hands out of Ian’s, but he held her wrists and took a mouthful of her shoulder.  
“Hm?”  
“I want my hands...” She struggled to get her wrists free. “…I want to hug you.” 

The statement surprised Ian, since downstairs she had seemed to only want his dick, but he released her wrists anyways and held her head between his hands. Nina moved her hands to his shoulder blades and grazed her fingertips along his skin. He moved a hand to her ass and squeezed it as he increased the speed of his thrusts, their bodies crashing together. 

Ian pulled out and pealed the condom off. He took his cock in his hand and rapidly jerked it until he was coming all over Nina’s belly and breasts. He slowly stroked his penis while he looked down at her sprawled out under him, sedated with sex. 

Nina was just starting to dose off when she heard Ian get up and start moving around the bedroom. 

“What are you doing?”  
“I’m going to go.” He said, pulling his pants on. “I don’t want to overstay my welcome.” He searched the bedroom floor for his socks.  
“Ian. Don’t be stupid. Stay.”  
“You know that’s not a good idea.” He went over to the bed and kissed her forehead. “Goodnight.” 

 

They showed up to work Monday morning like nothing had happened. They kept up their usual dialog of witty banter and antagonizing each other, which was perfectly normal to the people around them. 

“What are you eating?” Ian sat on the grass next to Nina. “A bowl of lettuce?”  
“Ugh. Yes.” Nina put her fork down. “I went up a dress size over the summer.” She put her hands in her lap.  
“So what? You’re a two instead of a zero?” Ian joked.  
“A two a borderline obese in Hollywood.” She looked over at this plate. “What are you eating?”  
“Why? Hungry?”  
“I’m fucking starving.” She pouted her lip out.  
“Here.” Ian Held his sandwich out and she took a bite before brining it to his own mouth. “You know I don’t approve of this diet bullshit.”  
“Well. It’s not up to you.” She opened her mouth for another bite. “Prosciutto?”  
“Pancetta.” He used his thumb to wipe mayonnaise from her lip.  
“I love salted meats.”  
“I know you do, baby.” Nina glared at him. “Oops. Sorry.” He brought the sandwich back to her mouth. “I know you do… NINA.” He raised his eyebrows.  
“Thank you.”  
“You’re welcome.”

 

Saturday, Ian brought Bear to Nina’s per their shared custody agreement. She was sitting on her patio, reading, drinking coffee, and smoking a cigarette.

“You started smoking again?”  
“Yes, Father.” Nina looked up at him. “Weight loss plan.”  
“Right.” He sat down. “All about health…”  
“Don’t be a jerk, string bean.” She tossed her lighter at him. “There is a new sushi place in Brentwood. Should we give it a test run?”  
“Obviously.” He smirked at her. 

After a lot of sushi and probably one too many sake bombs, they went back to Nina’s for a nightcap and got hot and heavy very quickly.

“Lets go upstairs.” Ian said as he pulled Nina’s shirt over her head.  
“No.” Nina worked her way into his pants. “We are not having sex in my bed. That is relationship sex.” She pushed his pants down his hips. “And you’ve made it very clear that is not what this is.”  
“No.” He kissed her and tried to get her pants off at the same time. “Absolutely not.” He turned her around and bent her over the counter, her face resting on the cool marble surface. “Condom...”  
“What? Ow!” She yelped as he thrust up into her.  
“Condoms are upstairs.” He grabbed her hands and held them in his.  
“Just pull out, I don’t care.” She breathed into the counter. 

He moved their arms so she could rest her head on them as he moved in and out of her warm, welcoming body. Nina arched her back and tilted her pelvis, allowing him to get to a painfully deep place inside her. She bit her lip and whimpered, gripping Ian’s hands as she came. 

Ian kissed her shoulder blade and held her shivering body. He continued to move inside her as she convulsed around him. He increased the speed of his thrusts, digging his fingers into her hips. He felt his dick swell and pulled out just as he started coming in stream after stream of thick white fluid. He held his cock in his hand and jerked it, savoring every last moment. He gripped the base and squeezed to the tip, forcing the final beads of liquid out of his body and on to Nina’s back. 

 

“What did you do this weekend?” Kat asked Nina Monday morning.  
“We went to a new sushi place.” Nina smiled into her lap.  
“It was delicious.” Ian added.  
“How much longer are you two going to pretend you’re not fucking?” Shee asked dryly. 

Nina knew her face was beat red, only made worse by the fact that Ian was laughing. 

“We are not fucking.” Nina whispered.  
“Whatever you want to call it.”  
“I’m fine with ‘fucking’.” Ian piped in. 

“Ian!” Nina threw an empty water bottle at him. “Kat, why don’t you tell us about YOUR love life?”  
“Ugh.” She huffed. “Boys are so stupid.”  
“Well, you’re 22. They get better.”  
“I’m holding out for one ten years older, like you did.” She winked at Nina, who rolled her eyes. 

 

The network had a giant viewing party for the show’s season premiere and an after party of equal grandeur. Ian watched from the bar as Nina danced and joked with Paul. He knew they were in no way romantically involved, but it made him insane when any other man’s hands were on her, platonic or otherwise. 

“Jealous much?” Candice said when she saw Ian staring.  
“No.” Ian answered a little too quickly.  
“Sure.” She leaned over the bar to get the bartender’s attention. “You know, Ian, you were like, her first real boyfriend.”  
“So.”  
“So. You are all she knows. You are her comfort. She’s going to keep coming back to you.”  
“No.” He shook his head.  
“Ian. She’s young.” She picked up her drink. “She’s so much younger then us.” She held up her glass to toast. “Just don’t fuck her over.”  
“I won’t.” Ian clinked their glasses and kept staring. 

 

Ian came home on Sunday afternoon to Nina’s car in his driveway. When he went into the house, she was standing at the sink washing dishes.

“What are you doing?” He laughed.  
“Dishes.”  
“I can see that.”  
“I came to drop Bear off, and, no offense, but your house is filthy. Maria hasn’t been here?”  
“She had to quit.” He sat on the kitchen counter. “Her daughter had a baby or something. I haven’t gotten around to hiring anyone else.”  
“You know, Ian, there are people who clean their own houses.” She opened the dishwasher.  
“Stop cleaning. You’re making me feel bad about myself.”  
“This environment isn’t fit for our dog.”  
“Okay. Okay.” He stood. “Clean if you must, but you have to let me make you dinner.”  
“That sounds fair.”

Ian made dinner, a fire, and set a table with candles and wine. 

“It looked like you and Paul were having fun last night.”  
“Yeah.” Nina laughed. “He’s a nice kid. I like him.”  
“Kid? He’s only a year younger then you are.”  
“I know. I just feel so much older then him and Kat. Must be my emotional maturity.” She winked at him.  
“Must be.”  
“The veal is really good. Complements to the chef.”  
“Thank you.”  
“You know you were the first person who ever gave me veal.”  
“I was also the first person who gave you multiple orgasms.”  
“Or any orgasms.” Nina murmured. “Do you remember that first night?”  
“The first night we slept together?” Nina nodded. “I think I might have a vague recollection…” He smirked.  
“I was so nervous, I thought I was going to puke. I tried to dress up and just ended up looking like a juvenile porn star… And you told me to take it off and just be myself.”  
“You know how I feel about lingerie.”  
“It all ends up on the floor anyway.”  
“Yup.” He looked across the table at her, the firelight flickering across her face. “And I wanted to be with YOU, you… Not porn star you.”  
“It’s just weird how easily you could read me from the very beginning.”  
“That’s what happens when you love someone.”

 

“This traffic is miserable.” Nina looked over at Ian as they made their way home from the airport after a full week of conventions.  
“I know.” He reached for her hand and pulled her across the seat to him. “We are almost there.” He hugged her into his side. 

Ian’s hand rested on Nina’s waist and slowly worked it’s way under her shirt to stroke her lower back. She crossed and uncrossed her legs. 

“What’s wrong?”  
“Nothing.” She smiled and shook her head. “These pants are tight.”  
“Your pants are tight?” Ian raised his eyebrows.  
“Yup.” She put her hand on his thigh and squeezed it. “Are your pants tight?”  
“They weren’t until about twenty seconds ago.” 

Ian turned his body and grabbed her sides to help her sit astride his lap. He dug his fingers into her rib cage and she giggled and buried her face in his neck. Ian expected they would make out a little and then she would fall asleep on him or complain about the traffic more but she kissed him with vigor and rolled her hips against his. He held her waist, thinking about the driver behind the thin partition. 

“You’re trouble today.” He kissed her neck.  
“Mmm…” She moaned and tilted her head to give him better access. She rolled her hips again and Ian grabbed her waist to pull her pelvis tighter to his, letting her feel his erection.  
“Now you’re really in trouble…” He whispered as he pushed her blazer off her shoulders and down her arms. 

Nina put her other hand on the back of Ian’s neck and pulled his mouth to hers. 

Ian undid the button on her jeans and slid his hands around her body to cup her ass. He slid his hands up her back and around her front to grope her breasts over the lace of her bra. He pushed her shirt up and pulled the cup of her bra down to suckle a nipple. 

Nina let her head fall back. She gripped the hair on the scruff of Ian’s neck and held him to her breast. They had already had sex at their hotel that morning, but she needed more and she could feel his cock, rock hard and pulsating between her legs. She rubbed her body against his, her throbbing vaginal tissue begging for stimulation. She moved the hand that wasn’t on Ian’s head down her body and into her panties. She felt around the engorged flesh and then pushed two fingers up into her body. 

Ian let her nipple slip from his mouth to watch what she was doing. He watched her hand move frantically and felt his cock twitch in response. 

“Ian….” She whined. “Don’t stop…”

He brought her mouth to her other breast and sucked mouthfuls of flesh while he worked his way into his own pants. He got them open and pulled his cock out. He was so hard he was dripping and his desire only increased as he watched Nina touch herself. He rested his hands on her hips while she rubbed her clit and pressed her body into his. She buried her face into his neck, panting and tensing like she was already coming but she stopped herself. 

She took her hand out of her pants and nipped his lips. She removed herself from his lap and positioned her body between his knees. She looked up at him as she pulled his jeans halfway down his hips and took his cock into her mouth.

“Oh fuck.” He put his hand on her shoulder. 

She wrapped her hand around the base and licked to the tip. She ran a finger round the fleshy ridge while she sucked one of his balls into her mouth. She made a long stroke with her hand while she pressed the tip of her tongue into the patch of skin under his scrotum. 

“Fuck, baby.” He grabbed her upper arm but she kept moving her mouth around his penis. “Baby.” He tugged her arm and she looked up at him while she innocently let his dick slip from her mouth. “Holy shit you’re hot…” He pulled her up and pushed her pants and panties down her legs.

He gripped her hips and pulled her back into his lap. His mouth immediately went back to her breasts, which were still hanging from her bra, while she angled his cock and lowered her body down onto it. She rolled her hips over and over again, grinding her pelvic bone into Ian’s. He removed his mouth from her chest and sat back in his seat so he could hold her hips and increase the intensity of her movements. 

Nina’s lips parted and her breath became ragged. She dug her fingers into Ian’s biceps as her body shivered. Ian leaned forward and sucked her bottom lip into his mouth as her body tensed and shattered. She experienced the most intense orgasm of her life. She felt her body completely release, white lights behind her eyelids blinded her as her extremities tingled. 

A calm sedation washed over her and she didn’t notice the little trickle of urine traveling down her leg until Ian used his shirt to stop it and wipe up her thigh. She slapped her hand over her mouth and buried her face in his neck. She was mortified. 

“It’s okay.” Ian kept his voice low and rubbed her arms. “Baby.” He turned his head to kiss her but she was still hiding behind her hand. “Baby.” He took her hand away from her mouth. “It’s okay.”  
“I’m sorry.”  
“It’s okay.” He hugged her and chuckled. “Just keep going.” He was still painfully stiff and being squeezed inside her.  
“Don’t laugh… That’s embarrassing.”  
“Nina.” He held her face in his hands. “You have nothing to be embarrassed about in front of me.” He kissed her. “Ever.”  
“Why did that happen? What’s wrong with me?”  
“Did it feel good?” Ian smirked.  
“Maybe.” She looked between their bodies to avoid eve contact.  
“Nina. You just had an orgasm so intense that you peed. That’s not a bad thing.” She scrunched her face up. “And stop making that face, if I cared, I would have thrown you out of my lap, not used my shirt to clean it up and told you to keep going. Right?” She nodded. “So… Keep going.”  
“I can’t.” She put her head back on his shoulder. She sniffled and her body shivered.  
“Okay.” Ian sighed and used her hips to lift her body enough to pull his dick out.  
“It’s okay.” He hugged her tightly to him. “Why are you crying?” He sat her back on his knees and pulled her shirt back over her breasts. “Did that really freak you out that much?”  
“Yes.” She spoke softly. “I want to put my pants on.”  
“Then put your pants on.” Ian leaned back and tucked his erection into his jeans as best he could. 

When they were both redressed, Nina sat next to him with her arms crossed and Ian couldn’t help but chuckle. 

“Ian! It’s not funny!”  
“Nina!” He mocked. “On the spectrum of dirty, kinky shit we have done, that’s really on the low end, so I do not understand what you are finding to be so upsetting.” She didn’t say anything. “Fine. Be grouchy if you want to.” He put his hand on her leg and rubbed it. 

 

They were driving to work one morning when Nina dropped the bomb. She wasn’t sure what exactly had prompted the thought, but as she picked up her phone and opened the calendar. 

“What’s wrong?” Ian asked through a yawn.  
“I…” She hesitated for a moment but they didn’t lie to each other, so she told the truth. “I didn’t get my period last month.”  
“And you’ve just decided to tell me this right now?” He glanced over at her.  
“I just thought of it now… I’ve been traveling so much, sometimes I don’t even know what day it is.” She reached over the center console and took his hand. “I’m sure it’s fine. I’m just stressed.” She kissed his hand. 

 

“You’re measuring at about Seven weeks.” The doctor said as he felt around Nina’s abdomen. “Have you been sick at all?”  
“No.”  
“Any other concerns?”  
“Well…” Nina looked at Ian, who was sitting next to the exam table. “I didn’t know I was pregnant until last week… So, up until then, I was drinking and smoking.”  
“How much were you drinking?”  
“Just socially on the weekends… Maybe three or four drinks.”  
“What about smoking?”  
“Four or five cigarettes a day.”  
“The smoking concerns me more then the drinking. Have you completely quit?”  
“Yes.”  
“Let me see what I can see on the ultrasound.” 

 

“I know we didn’t plan this.” Ian said when they were finally in the car. “And I know you might feel like you’re not ready…”  
“Ian… I…”  
“Wait.” He put his finger up. “Let me finish…. This is not going to ruin your life. It’s only going to make it better. I love you and I love this baby and I will stop working and stay home and be a good father.” He took her hand. “You can still work and chase your dreams and you will have us to come home to at night.” Nina chewed her lip. “Please, baby. I want to make this work.” Ian practically begged.  
“I know.” She squeezed his hand. “We will.” She nodded.  
“I love you.” He pulled her to him and kissed her.  
“I love you too.” 

 

“When do we get to tell people?” Ian asked as they laid in bed looking at the ultrasound photos.  
“Um… I don’t know.”  
“Could you be any less excited?” Ian raised his eyebrows.  
“Stop.” Nina climbed on to him and pressed him into the mattress. “You know I’m excited.” She nipped his lips. “It’s just…” She sat back on her heels. “It’s just that as soon as one person knows, the world is going to know… And as soon as the world knows, the paparazzi situation is going to get crazy.” She laid on his chest and tucked her head into the space between his shoulder and neck. “Even more crazy then it already is… And I know how you get when they get close to me, when it’s just me… I am scared to see what you are going to do when it’s me and your baby.”  
“Well…” Ian combed his fingers through her hair. “I don’t like a crowd of strange men following you around.”  
“I know you worry.” She rested her chin on his chest and looked up at him. “That’s why I’m saying, just let this be ours for a while.”  
“Okay.”  
“I’ll start to get fat, people will start to speculate and then I’ll get like really fat and then we can confirm it.” She laughed and buried her face in his chest.  
“I can’t see you getting ‘really fat’ but okay.” He patted her butt and then folded his arms under it to pull her up to him. “Kiss me.” 

Their lips sealed together, pushing and pulling, giving and receiving. Nina kissed over Ian’s chin and down his chest. She ran her tongue along the trail of hair that started at his navel and disappeared into his boxers. 

Ian groaned and opened his legs to make space for her. She ran her fingertips along the shaft of his penis through the cotton of his boxer briefs, watching as it grew with each movement of her hand. She hooked her fingers in the waistband and pulled them down his legs. She licked up his thigh and made a few lazy strokes of her tongue around his abdomen. His cock was particularly erect and still lying on his stomach, so she licked from the base to the tip and then took the head in her mouth and suckled. She wrapped her hand around the base and moved her lips down the shaft, taking more of it into her mouth and sucking back up to the tip. 

Ian reached down and held Nina’s hair to one side of her head. He took her other hand and interlaced their fingers. He pulled her up by the hand and took her t-shirt off, tossing it off the bed. He gripped her sides and buried his face in her cleavage, which was growing daily. 

“Your boobs are amazing.” He nipped along the tender skin and then used his hand to squeeze her breast and his mouth to suck her nipple.  
“They are so big.” She felt herself flush, all of the sudden she felt nervous and overexposed with her new body, on all fours hanging over her boyfriend.  
“They are prefect.” He mumbled into her chest before bringing his mouth back to her nipple. 

Nina moaned, her ass sat on his torso and her head dropped back. She raked her nails across his chest. 

Ian sat so she was in his lap and slid his arms down her back and under the waistband of her panties. He squeezed her ass in his hands, while their mouths fought for dominance. His mouth won and he pushed his tongue into her mouth as he lowered her back on to the bed. 

Ian pulled her panties off her legs and brought her mouth back to her breast. He put a hand under her thigh and used it to bend her knee and put her foot flat on the mattress, opening her legs. He dipped his fingertips into her and spread the silky fluid around. He pressed his index and middle fingers up into her while he used his thumb to make gently circles on her clit. 

“Mmm…” She reached her hands over her head, arching her body and gripping the duvet.

Ian looked up for a moment to watch her face before lowering his mouth to her other nipple. He suckled at her breast and worked his fingers up to a steady rhythm. 

“More…” Nina moaned and pushed her hips down on to his hand.  
“My mouth…” He released her nipple. “Or my hand?”  
“Both.” She gripped the hair on the scruff of his neck and guided his mouth back to her chest.  
“Oh… God…” She strained to get closer to Ian’s hand as the warm ache between her legs started to spread through her extremities. 

Ian removed his hand and replaced it with his mouth. He gripped her ass and pulled her pussy to him, lucking and sucking as she came with a gush of warm fluid into his mouth. He stayed between her legs while she caught her breath. He kissed her tiny belly bulge and then rested his head on it before he looked up at Nina.

“You’re so happy.” She observed.  
“I’m so happy.” His eyes glowed up at her as he moved his hands to her stomach. “We made a baby.” He kissed her belly. “It’s in here.”  
“Yup.” Nina smiled as she pulled him up by the hands and kissed him, she tried to pull their bodies together but he resisted. “Don’t start this already.” She murmured.  
“I’m going to crush the baby.”  
“You’re lucky I’m too horny to fight you right now.” Nina said as she rolled on to her stomach and got on all fours. “Does this work for you?” She moved her hair to one side of her head and looked over her shoulder.  
“Yes. This really, really works for me.” He leaned over her body with his penis in his hand. “A little wider baby.” He used his knee to nudge her legs further open so he could get to a better angle and pushed up into her. He kissed her shoulder and made deep strokes, burying himself completely inside her before slowly pulling back out. “You’re so wet...” He whispered in her ear, she was literally leaking down her thighs.

Nina groaned in response and arched her back. She pressed her ass back into Ian and twisted the sheets in her hands as he speed up his movements. He ran his hand up the inside of her thigh to collect some of the fluid and spread it around her breast. He massaged it in his hand and rolled her nipple between his fingers. The slapping of their bodies echoed through the bedroom as their pace got more and more frantic. 

“Ian…” Nina thighs tensed and her lip quivered. “I…I Can’t.” She breathed out, unable to hold her body up any longer.  
“It’s okay.” Ian leaned over and moved a pillow for her. “Put your head down.” He kissed her cheek. 

She laid her head on the pillow and pushed her hips back into him. Ian straitened his back up and gripped her hips for leverage. The long slope of her back created a new angle of penetration and Nina took a mouthful of her own arm to distract her from the painful place he was hitting over and over again deep inside her. 

Ian dug his fingers into her skin to hold her in place. He watched her rub her face into the pillow as she came again, her muscles clenching around him and it only fueled his need for his own release. He paused for a moment and moved his hands to the insides of her thighs. 

“Baby.” He bent down and kissed her back as he gently turned her over. “That’s better.” He said when she was on her back. “I want to look at you.” 

Nina gave him a lazy smile as he pushed back into her. She groped her swollen breasts while he pulled her pelvis into her lap and rapidly jacked his hips. He make fast but shallow movements, getting as much stimulation as possible on the sensitive head of his penis, until he started coming. He let her hips fall back on to the bed and pushed deeply inside her. 

He kept a gently rocking of his hips to prolong the waves of his orgasm, his ejaculate overflowed and seeped back out. He gradually went flaccid and slipped from her body. He sat back and pulled Nina to lay with him. She tried to get up, but he held her down. 

“Let me hold you.” He wiped hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear. “I love you so much, baby.” He kissed her forehead. “And I’m so happy.” He looked at her changing body, which was glistening with a sheen of sweat.  
“Let’s take a shower.”  
“Good idea.” Ian moved to get out of bed.  
“And maybe we change the sheets.” She scrunched her face up. 

 

A few days later, Ian had gone to find Nina after she had failed to show up at their morning meeting. He knocked on the flimsy door of her trailer before pulling it open. 

“Nina?” Ian stepped up to see her standing at the counter nervously chewing her lip. “Why aren’t you dressed? You missed the meeting.”  
“Ian…” Her voice hitched with tears.  
“What’s wrong?” He opened his arms and held her to his chest.  
“My pants don’t fit! What am I going to do?! Everyone is going to know!” She breathed into his chest.  
“What do you mean your pants don’t fit? Those fittings were two weeks ago.” He rubbed his hands along her back.  
“They don’t fit, I’m too fat.” She cried into his chest. “Everyone is going to know!”  
“Everyone is going to know eventually anyhow, baby.”  
“Ian!” She tried to keep her voice even. “Please, I’m just not ready to tell people yet.”  
“Take a deep breath.” He held her away so he could look at her face. “Show me. I’m sure we can make it work.” 

Ian watched as she kicked her sweatpants from her feet and pulled the jeans on. She took her shirt and tucked it up under her bust so he could see her waist clearly when she demonstrated how far the button and the loop where from connecting. She dropped her hands dramatically to her sides and looked at the floor. 

“Let me…” Ian said as he took the material in his hands and tried to button it.  
“It’s not even like being fat.” Nina looked down her body as his hands struggled. “I can’t suck it in… It’s just out there.” She used the flat of her hands to wipe her tears. Her makeup was ruined. Ian kissed her belly.  
“Don’t move a muscle and leave the pants on. I’ll be right back.”

He returned movements later with Anastasia, a wardrobe seamstress, who looked perplexed as to why Nina was standing in the middle of her trailer with her pants hanging open. She knelt before her and slid her hands in the waistband. 

“I’m so sorry, Nina, I must have miss measured you.”  
“Oh. No.” Nina looked up at Ian; the last thing she wanted was a crew person to get in trouble.  
“No, you haven’t done anything wrong.” Ian assured her.  
“I don’t think I understand.” Anastasia sat back on her heels and looked up at Nina who was still looking at Ian.  
“Nina is going to need a little extra room in her midsection…” Ian looked down at her. “We haven’t told anyone yet… So we would really appreciate it if you didn’t tell anyone either.”  
“Oh.” Anastasia paused, still processing what he had just said. “Oh...” She took the hair elastic from her wrist and slid it through the loop of the jeans before securing it around the button and pulling the two sides together. She pulled Nina’s shirt down to cover it and affectionately patted her sides. “That will get you through today. Drop them off in my office before you go home tonight and I will sew an elastic waist in.” She stood to leave.  
“Thank you.” Nina sighed with relief.  
“Congratulations you guys.” 

 

They had a weekend of panels and press for the show and Nina was stressing that she was starting to “show”. Anastasia had altered her dresses at the last minute but she was still feeling self-conscious. 

The first night they were there, the cast went to dinner and Nina couldn’t stop staring at the blonde girl Paul had brought.

“You’re staring…” Ian nudged her shoulder.  
“Do you think those are real?”  
“The boobs?”  
“Yeah.”  
“No.” Ian whispered. “Um. It’s Rachel, right?” He said to the girl.  
“Yes.”  
“How do you and our boy Paul here know each other?” He asked her.  
“We met at my friend’s beach house.”  
“What do you do?” Ian asked. “Doctor, lawyer?”  
“Model.” She giggled and Nina glared across the table at her.  
“Well, You are a very beautiful girl.” Nina moved her hand under the table and squeezed his thigh in warning. “What kind of modeling?”  
“Mostly adult.”  
“Oh.” Ian paused. “Print or video?”  
“Ian!” Nina slapped his arm and got up. She threw her napkin on the table and walked away.  
“I don’t think your girlfriend likes me very much.” Rachel said as Ian got up to follow Nina.  
“She’s just a bit emotional today.” 

Ian found Nina in the hallway with her arms folded over her chest and her gaze at the floor. He walked over to her and rubbed her upper arms.

“Don’t.” She shook her head.  
“What’s wrong?” He took a step back.  
“What’s wrong?” She looked up. “Ian, you were hitting on that girl right in front of me!”  
“I was not. She doesn’t know anyone, I was making conversation.”  
“Print or video?! That’s the dinner conversation you were making?!”  
“Nina.” He held his finger to his lips to gesture she needed to keep her voice down. “You are making a scene… You know I would never hit on another girl, you’re being crazy.”  
“Crazy?! I’m being crazy.” She huffed and let her hands drop dramatically. “I’m all fucking fat and pregnant and you are checking out a porn star, how am I supposed to feel?”  
“I’m sorry if I upset you.” Ian touched her arm realizing there was no rationalizing with her. “Please come back to the table.”  
“I don’t want you to talk to her anymore.”  
“I won’t.” Ian took her hand and led her back into the restaurant. 

 

“SHOTS on the house!” A waiter came over with a tray of shots for the cast in the packed bar. Nina immediately went into panic mode, she couldn’t do the shot, but she couldn’t not do the shot. She took one off the tray and stood frozen with it in her hand. She didn’t realize everyone had done theirs until she heard her name.

“Nina?” Kat’s voice rang over the roar of the crowd.  
“What?” She was interrupted mid thought.  
“Are you going to do that?”  
“No.” Ian took it from her hand and drank it. “She’s not. The last time she did shots she was throwing up all night and we are sharing a bed.”  
“Ian!” Kat yelled and pointed her finger. “You are such a fucking wet blanket, you know that?” She took a step closer to him. “Nina is like ten times more fun when she’s not on your leash.”  
“I’m not on a leash.”  
“Whatever helps you sleep at night.” She walked away. 

 

That night in bed, Ian spooned up behind Nina. He wrapped his arm around her and slid her hand under her shirt. He tried to move it up to her breast but she intercepted it. 

“Why are you still pissed?” Ian let out a long breath.  
“I’m not pissed. I just don’t want to have sex.” Nina said into the dark room.  
“Nina.” He rolled on to his back. “You are pissed.”  
“If you want to have sex, maybe you should go find Rachel’s room.”  
“What the fuck is your problem?” 

Nina still had her back to him but he could hear her little sniffles. 

“I know that you would never cheat on me.” She cried. “And I’m not this mean, jealous girlfriend. I don’t know what’s wrong with me!” She sobbed. “But I feel fat and gross and I don’t want you looking at pretty girls.”  
“Take a deep breath.” Ian said as she started to get hysterical. “Come over here and let me comfort you or cry yourself to sleep. Those are your choices.”  
“Please don’t break up with me!” Nina turned towards him and curled into his arms.  
“I am never going to break up with you.” He spoke into the top of her head as she buried her face in his chest. “We are in this for life now.”  
“I’m sorry.”  
“It’s just the hormones.” Ian rubbed her back. “It will pass. Let’s go to sleep, we have a long day tomorrow.”  
“Okay.” She sniffled. “I love you.” She pressed herself off of his chest to kiss him.  
“I love you too, baby.” He opened his mouth to meet hers, savoring the mint tingle of her toothpaste. 

 

As soon as they got on the plane, Nina put her head on Ian’s shoulder and went to sleep. She said she was exhausted from the weekend. When she woke up a few hours later, she was flushed and overheated. 

“Hey, sleepy head.” Ian rubbed her leg.  
“I’m hot.”  
“Take your sweater off.” Ian looked over at her. “You’re all flushed.” He touched her head.  
“I have a headache.”  
“Do you think you have a fever?” He moved his hand to her forehead.  
“I don’t know.” Her eyes got wide with panic.  
“Relax.” She laid her head back on his shoulder. “Do you feel sick?”  
“A little.”  
“Okay. Take your sweater off.” He instructed as he pushed the button for the flight attendant. “I’ll get you something to drink.” 

Ian held an ice pack to the back of Nina’s neck while she rested with her head in his lap. 

“What if something’s wrong?” She looked up at him, her tears sliding down her face.  
“The only thing that is ‘wrong’ is that you worked way to much this weekend.” He used the side of his hand to wipe her face. “You need to slow down.”  
“Can you not lecture me right now?” Nina sighed out.  
“Sorry.” He rubbed his arm. “Try to close your eyes. We can talk about it later.” He bent down and kissed her. 

When they got back to LAX, the normal gaggle of paparazzi was waiting for them. Their standard procedure was Nina walked in front of Ian and they kept their heads down. 

“When are you two going to make it official?!” One of them screamed as they made their way through the terminal. “Nina, are you waiting for the perfect ring?”

Nina looked at the ground, but as she walked through the sliding doors on to the sidewalk she could see the flashes getting closer and when she felt Ian’s body behind her grabbing her arm, she knew it was about to get bad.

“Guys! You need to give her space!” Ian’s voice got louder as they blocked the crosswalk to the parking garage.  
“Ian! Nina! Be cool! Just a few photos!” Came from the crowd.  
“Come on! You can’t block the fucking road!” Ian yelled and made a big hand gesture.  
“Guys! When can we expect a little one?!” Came from the crowd as the light changed.  
“Back the fuck up!” Ian yelled as he held Nina’s arm and walked towards the parking garage. “You’re too fucking close to her!” He yelled to one guy who got particularly close to Nina’s face. 

When they were in the car with the doors closed, Nina looked over at Ian. 

“I know.” He said before she had the chance to say anything. “I know.”  
“We’ve been doing this for four fucking years.” She sighed. “You know you can’t do that.”  
“I know.” He paused. “You’re sick and pregnant… I’m sorry if I couldn’t keep it together.”  
“It’s going to be all over TMZ tomorrow.”  
“Whatever.” He started the car. 

 

That night, Nina dreamt she was sitting at Ian’s kitchen table, holding their daughter in her lap, her little chubby legs resting on hers, while Ian fed her spoonfuls of green puree. The baby was laughing and giggling and blowing raspberries at Ian. Nina cradled her in her arms as she nursed and stared up at her. She had Ian’s bright blue eyes and a little mess of curly brown hair. She stopped suckling to smile up at her mother. Nina used the back of her hand to caress the side of her face. 

She startled awake and turned towards Ian. She cuddled into his side and tapped his chest.

“Ian.” She whispered. “Ian…” She tapped her fingers. “Are you awake?”  
“No.” Ian reached out and grasped the hand that was tapping his chest to hold it still.  
“I saw our baby, it’s a girl.” She laid her head on his chest. “And I’m going to breastfeed.”  
“That’s great, baby.” He murmured, his eyes still closed. “Can we talk about this in the morning?”  
“Yes.” She kissed his chest. “I love you.”

 

“You can tell your Mom if you want to.” Ian told Nina as they sat in the car on the way to her parent’s house for Thanksgiving.  
“I still think we should wait.” She shook her head.  
“You don’t think she will catch on?”  
“No. We will be there for less then 24 hours... And she knows I don’t drink when I diet.”  
“You will just be eating a shit ton of food.” He joked.  
“I’m fucking hungry.” She slapped his thigh. “You will tell me when I start to look fat, right?” She looked over at him. “I’m serious, Ian.”  
“I will tell you when you start to look pregnant.”  
“Okay. I can live with that.”  
“Happy Thanksgiving, baby.”  
“Happy Thanksgiving.” She leaned over and kissed him. 

 

Nina hadn’t been feeling well all day and was completely exhausted by the time they got home but Ian insisted on making her dinner anyway. She went upstairs to change and came back down and sat at the kitchen counter.

“What?” Ian was slightly annoyed. “I don’t want to fight. If you are going to be grouchy, just go to bed.” He said as he pulled food out of the fridge and placed it on the counter. Bear sat eagerly at his feet and patiently waited for something to fall. 

Nina got up and stomped up the stairs and slammed the bedroom door. Ian started cooking. While he was enjoying the sex the early pregnancy hormones were bringing, he didn’t love the bitchness that she seems to turn up without notice. 

By the time he went upstairs, Nina was already in bed with the lights off. He thought she was sleeping until he spooned up behind her and she interlaced their fingers. 

“Did I wake you?” He kissed her temple and moved their interlaced hands to her belly.  
“No. I’m sorry I was mean to you.” She slid their hands under her shirt and along the warm skin of her belly. “I’m glad you stayed.”  
“Of course I stayed.” He laid his head on the pillow behind hers and closed his eyes.  
“I just don’t feel right.” She brought their hands to her mouth and kissed his.  
“You will feel better in the morning.” Ian rubbed her arm.

That night, Nina had the dream of them at the kitchen table with their daughter again, but when she looked over where Ian had been, his chair was empty. When she looked down into her arms, her daughter was gone. When she looked down her chest, her breasts, which had been swollen and full with milk, were flat and empty. 

She woke with Ian’s body pressed into her back, his arms wrapped around her. His hand was up her shirt tucked in the warm place between her breasts and her belly. She put her hand on his and held it tighter to her. 

 

“Are you wrapped for today?” Nina grabbed Ian by the arm and started to pull him across set.  
“Yes, I wanted to watch dailies…. Where are we going? I thought you went home.”  
“I need to talk to you.”  
“What’s wrong?” Nina pulled him up the steps to her trailer and shut the door behind them. “What?”

“I was getting ready to go.” Her voice was frantic. “And I went to the bathroom to pee and there are a few little spots of blood in my underwear.” She chewed her lip, the tears she had been holding back finally overflowed down her cheeks.  
“Okay.” Ian hugged her. “Take a deep breath.” He kissed her head. “Show me.” Ian didn’t know if it was just he subconscious protecting him, but he was sure she must be overreacting, she had been an emotional mess the past few days and he was sure this was no different, nothing that cuddling and cookies and tea couldn’t fix. 

Nina unbuttoned her pants and pushed them down around her hips, the bright red spots clearly visible. Ian reached over and pulled them back up. He didn’t want to look any longer then he had to. He knew he had to stay calm for her, but he was freaking out. He paced around the tiny space while he called the doctor’s office and waited on hold for the longest 4 minutes of his life.

“Okay.” He sat next to Nina and put his arm around her. “The doctor said to go home and lay down and we have an appointment in the morning.”  
“But what if…” He put his finger on her lips.  
“It won’t. But if it does, he said to go to the emergency room.” He kissed her and hugged her to his chest. “It’s won’t.”  
“Will you sleep over?” She sniffled into his shirt.  
“Of course.” 

The next morning, Nina and Ian watched the black and white flicker of the ultrasound screen as the tech moved the Doppler to several different spots on Nina’s abdomen. 

“I’m going to let the doctor come in and take a look.” The tech stood and left the room. 

“That’s bad.” Nina looked at Ian.  
“It doesn’t mean anything.” He shook his head. “She’s not even a doctor.” He kissed her hand. 

After the doctor had done a similar examination, he told Nina to get dressed and asked them to meet him in his office. 

“We couldn’t detect a heartbeat today.” The doctor said flatly. “If you don’t miscarry in the next few days, you will come back next week for a D&C.” 

“How do we know if she has a miscarriage?” Ian didn’t know what to say, so he decided to stick with facts. He was shocked and devastated. He looked over at Nina, who was looking down at her lap, her tears already flowing freely. 

“She will bleed like she’s having her period, but it will be heavier and you will see the sac.”  
“She doesn’t need to be in the hospital for that?” Ian gripped her hand and rubbed his thumb along her fingers. 

“We will SEE it?” Nina said, horrified.  
“You don’t have to see anything.” Ian assured her.

“Look, Nina. I know you have a busy schedule. If you want to have the D&C instead of waiting to see if you miscarry, that is also an option. It’s really up to you.”  
“What is a D&C?” Ian asked.  
“We dilate her cervix and remove the tissue in her uterus.”  
“Could I be with her?”  
“No. It’s surgery. She would be under anesthesia.” 

“No.” Nina shook her head, still looking at her lap. “I’d rather not have a medical procedure if it’s not necessary.” The tears streaming down her face were making identical stains on the thighs of her pants.  
“But what if you’re at work or I’m not with you?” Ian asked as he rubbed her leg. “I don’t want you going through that alone.”  
“You don’t need to decide right now.” The doctor chimed in. “But, if you wait more then a week, your fertility could be affected.”  
“We will deicide today.” Ian assured him and stood, pulling Nina up with him.

“Ian, wait.” She held his hand to stop him and turned to the doctor. “Did I do something wrong?”  
“Absolutely not. Miscarriages are very common, it doesn’t mean that you won’t go on to have many healthy pregnancies in the future.” 

It turned out they didn’t have to make a decision because before they were halfway home, Nina was experiencing painful abdominal cramps. As soon as the walked through the door, she went into the bathroom, where the little trickle of blood turned in to more and she simply sat and waited for it to happen. 

She told Ian she wanted to be alone, but he didn’t buy it and crouched in front of her for the better part of an hour while she cried into his shoulder and begged him to make the pain stop. He didn’t know if it was physical or mental pain, he guested it was probably a combination of both, but regardless, he had never felt more helpless in his entire life. 

“I’m scared…” She whimpered into his neck, her whole body shaking.  
“I’m scared too.” Was the only answer he had as he rubbed her arms. 

He held her head to his shoulder for as long as she let him for no other reason then he didn’t want her to see what was happening. He was sure having to feel is was going to be traumatizing enough; Ian was prepared to absorb the visual shock of seeing her pass the sac. He didn’t tell her when he saw the bloody mass but her grip on him became extra tight and her whimpers extra loud. 

He held her head tightly to him while he gently nudged her thighs apart so he could look through them to ensure she had passed everything. Even after he told her it was okay, she wouldn’t to get up. Getting up would mean it was all over and she wasn’t ready to accept that it was all over.

When he finally convinced her to leave the bathroom, he helped her into cozy clothing and heavily padded underwear before tucking her under the cream-colored duvet. 

“I want you.” Her lip tremored and she reached for his hand.  
“You have me.” He laid down next to her. “I’m right here.” He opened his arms and she climbed on to his chest.  
“You don’t want the heating pad?” He combed his fingers through her hair.  
“I only want you.” She clung to him like a child.  
“Okay.” Ian rubbed her back and listened as her sniffles slowed and her breathing became deep and rhythmic.  
“Don’t leave while I’m sleeping...” She murmured, already half asleep.  
“I’m not going anywhere.” He whispered into her hair. 

 

The next morning, Ian found Nina sitting in the yard with Bear watching the sun come up over the canyon and smoking a cigarette. He made her a cup of tea and went out to sit with her on the dewy grass. 

“Hey.” He kissed her head. “How are you feeling?”  
“I feel like….” She shook her head and stubbed her cigarette out in the grass. “I feel like I lost something I didn’t even know I had or that I wanted or that I deserved.” Ian put his arm around her. “And now, I don’t know how to feel… So, the pain.” She paused. “The physical pain…” She looked at the grass between her bare feet. “The bleeding and the cramps and the sore nipples… That all feels like cake.”  
“I’m so sorry.” He kissed her head.  
“You know I wasn’t psyched about this situation at first…”  
“I know.”  
“But then when I really thought about it, I thought maybe we could be good parents and I could be a good mother and we could be happy.” She wiped her face. “It’s all just gone so quickly.”  
“We can still be happy.” Ian rubbed her arm. 

She slept most of the day. Ian knew things would be difficult for her emotionally, but he had not expected that his independent, self-reliant girlfriend would react quite the way she did. She had a full-blown freak out if he wasn’t within arms reach. 

“Ian?” Nina cried as she sat up in bed.  
“Hi.” He came out of the bathroom drying his hair with a towel. “What’s wrong?”  
“I woke up and you were gone.”  
“I just took a shower.” He sat on the bed and hugged her.  
“You told me you wouldn’t leave when I was sleeping.”  
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know the bathroom counted as ‘leaving’.”  
“It does.” She cuddled into his chest. “Why do you have clothes on? Where are you going?”  
“I have to go to the drugstore to get your prescription.”  
“No.” She twisted his shirt in her hands.  
“It won’t take very long.” He rubbed her back.  
“Can’t we just have it delivered?”  
“Nina.” He tipped her face up to his. “It is one thing, we are not having it delivered.”

She tucked her arms into her chest and leaned into him.

“Baby. I have to go.” She sniffled. “How about I lay with you until you are asleep and then go?”  
“I told you I don’t want you to leave when I am sleeping!” She sobbed.  
“Okay.” He rocked their bodies. “Okay.”  
“How about I get you some sweatpants to wear and you can wait in the car?”  
“Okay.” She nodded.  
“Okay. Let’s do that.”

 

Nina insisted they go to work on Monday. She told Ian that the best thing for them to do was to get back in to their routine. So, with the giant pad shifting uncomfortably between her legs, she went to work. 

When her hair and makeup were done, she went to her trailer to change in to her first outfit of the day. Anastasia had continued to sew elastic waists and adjust her measurements in everything without question. She even sized up Nina’s shirts and bras when her breasts swelled and her cleavage spilled out of even the most modest tops. She took a pair of pants from the closet and held them in her hand. 

“Are you okay?” Ian wrapped his arms around her body.  
“Yeah.” She sniffled back her tears. “Can you tell Anastasia?”  
“Of course.” 

Ian kept close tabs on Nina all morning. She was pale and listless by lunchtime. He wanted to take her home, but he knew she would never agree to it, so he went to the director, Mark, and told him she had a bad case of the flu and he had to reschedule the rest of her day with the caveat that he not let Nina talk him out of it.

“Come on.” Ian put his hand out for hers. “We are going home.”  
“I’m not done.” She didn’t move from her chair.  
“You are done. I already spoke with Mark.”  
“Ian!” She jumped up and followed him. “What the fuck?! You spoke to Mark about ME?!”  
“Nina.” He pulled her by the hand. “Please just trust me on this one. You were never going to leave willingly and you need to be resting.”  
“No I don’t.”  
“Yes. You do.”

Nina had calmed down on the car ride home, especially since Ian stopped at her favorite bakery and came out with a box of baked goods. They went to her house and he told her to go up to bed and he would be right up. She went upstairs and went to the bathroom to change her pad. She was still bleeding a lot. It wouldn’t have bothered her that much if it wasn’t a constant reminder of what she had lost. She put on sweatpants and a t-shirt and got into bed. 

“Half of ‘Flour’ bakery inventory, milk, and tea and I want you to have all of it.” He put a tray on the bedside table. Nina looked over at it. She hadn’t had very much to eat in the last few days, actual eating might take some convincing. “Okay.” Ian sat on the bed and patted between his legs. “Come here.” Nina sat between his legs and rested her back on his chest. “And…” He handed her a card. “This.” 

Nina looked at the card and laughed, kittens with yarn in a basket, she felt his hand in her hair. She opened it to see a drawing of stick figures holding hands with a sick dog between them and the words ‘This is just the beginning for our family’.

“You drew us with Bear?”  
“Yup.” He rubbed her arms.  
“I love it.” She turned her head to kiss him. “Thank you.”  
“You’re welcome.” He took a cookie and held it to her mouth to take a bite. “Is it good?” She nodded and opened her mouth for another bite.  
“I shouldn’t be eating it at all… Now that I’m not pregnant, I have to lose the weight.” She looked up at Ian, her eyes welling with tears.  
“Let’s not think about that today.” He kissed her. “Put your head down.” He leaned back on the pillows and patted his chest. “Close your eyes and try to get some sleep.” 

Nina turned on to her side and pulled the blanket up around them. She laid her head on his chest and took his hand in hers. She felt his other hand combing through her hair and his lips resting on her head. 

“Just go to sleep.” He kissed their intertwined fingers.  
“I can’t.”  
“But you must be so tired.” He spoke softly into her hair.  
“When I close my eyes… I see her.” 

Ian laid his head back on the pillow behind him. He let tears gather in his eyelashes and spill down his temples. He did his best to keep his breathing steady and to keep comforting Nina, but he felt like he was about to fall apart as well. 

 

They were supposed to go to Ian’s parents for Christmas, but Nina wasn’t up to traveling, so Ian had told them they unexpectedly had to work. On Christmas morning, he woke up in bed alone. He crept downstairs and found Nina kneeling under the tree, the lights glowing and making little reflections all around the living room. She had already opened one of the gifts from Ian and was staring at it in her hands. 

“Don’t worry, it’s not an engagement ring.” Ian said as he sat next to her and welcomed Bear into his lap.  
“I know.” She smiled.  
“This one…” He took a ring from the box and put it on her finger. “… Is diamonds. Obviously.” He took out the second ring. “And this one, is emeralds.” He ran his fingertips over the stones. “I bought it when we found out our due date because it would have been our baby’s birthstone.” He watched glassy tears gather in her eyes. “If you don’t want it, I can take it back and you can chose something else, I just thought I would give you the option.”  
“I do want it.” She extended her fingers so he could slide it on. “They are beautiful. Thank you.”  
“Merry Christmas.” He leaned over and wrapped his arms around her.  
“Merry Christmas.” She cupped the back of his head and sniffled into his neck. “I’m sorry I’m crying.” She pulled back and used the sides of her hands to wipe her face. “I know this is supposed to be a happy day.”  
“It’s okay if you want to cry.” Ian took her hand. “I’m sad too.” 

 

They sat in the back of a limo on their way to another awards show. It was the first time they had really been “out” since the miscarriage. Nina had an awkward conversation with her stylist about how she needed to be able to wear regular underwear under her dress. Her stylist didn’t understand, since she was usually fine with wearing nothing at all and having no lines, but Nina didn’t want to explain, so she just chose a dress with a full skirt and didn’t bring it up again. 

“What if they ask me to do one of those ‘what’s in my bag’ things?” Nina asked Ian nervously.  
“Just say no.”  
“Then I look like a bitch.” She looked down at her little pink clutch.  
“Do you want me to put them in my pocket?”

She nodded and pulled the little stack of pads out of her clutch and handed them to Ian. He tucked them in the inside pocket of his suit jacket and took her hand. 

“Better?” He kissed her hand.  
“Thank you.”

They walked down the red carpet hand and hand, stopping periodically to pose for photographers who were screaming their names and telling them to kiss and smile and look this way and that way. Ian rested his hand on her lower back as they presented themselves as the perfect Hollywood couple. He kept rubbing her back and squeezing her hand, offering the little comfort he could in the madness of the situation. He knew that behind her blinding white smile she was miserable. 

As soon as they sat down, she asked for a pad and went to the bathroom. She came back and sat next to Ian. He leaned over and kissed her. He knew cameras were on them and for the first time in his life, he didn’t care. Tending to her needs was more important then worrying about a stupid photo. 

“Do you want to go home?” He whispered when the lights went down and the show started.  
“No. I’m okay.” She put her hand on his leg and her head on his shoulder. “I love you.”  
“I love you too, baby.” He kissed her head. 

“We will see you guys at the after party, right?” Janie asked as they filed out of the auditorium.  
“I think we are going to skip it tonight.” Ian answered for both of them.  
“Of course you are.” Janie nudge Lucas. “I forgot Nina brought the fun police…”  
“Janie, stop.” Nina turned towards her. “It’s not Ian, it’s me, I’m sick. I want to go home. Leave him alone.” She took Ian’s hand. “We will see you guys at work tomorrow.

They went back to Ian’s house after the show and Nina had changed into one of his shirts before going outside to smoke a cigarette. She watched Bear run around the yard. 

“I do have neighbors you know.” Ian pinched the little sliver of her ass cheek that was hanging out.  
“It’s 1am.” She leaned into his body and he wrapped his arms around her. “I don’t think people can see in here… If they can, I don’t really care.” She interlaced their fingers. “Please stop judging me with your mind.” She breathed out.  
“I care about your health. I’m sorry.”  
“I don’t want to smoke. I know it’s disgusting.”  
“You’ve quit so many times.” He rested his head on her shoulder. “You know you can do it.”  
“It was easier when we quit together.” She swayed their hips.  
“You did it alone last time.”  
“I did it for the baby last time.” She kept her voice low.  
“I’m sorry… That was a really fucking stupid thing for me to say.” He kissed her cheek. “It’s late let’s go to bed.”

 

Nina had asked Ian to accompany her to her follow up appointment. She was nervous and felt sick with anticipation all day. Ian was acting cool but she could tell he felt the same way. The doctor had been kind enough to let them come in after the office had closed so they wouldn’t be recognized. 

“Everything looks good.” The doctor said. “But I still suggest you wait one full cycle before you start trying to get pregnant again.”  
“Oh… I won’t be trying to get pregnant again.” Nina looked at Ian. “Right now. We didn’t plan this. I want to get back on birth control.” She reached her hand out for Ian’s, all of the sudden she felt very exposed.  
“I’m not here to judge you, Nina. I can call you in a script today.”  
“Thank you.” 

“So.” The doctor put his chart down. “The other thing we worry about after miscarriages is your emotional state. How would you say that has been?”  
“I think I’ve been dealing pretty well.”  
“How would you say she has been doing, Ian?”  
“I think she has been a little sad and a little emotionally shut down. She wants to cling to me physically but won’t open up to me emotionally.” He kissed her hand. “We are really busy at work and I think we both use that to sidestep our emotions, but I would like to see her slow down a little, otherwise the feelings are going to build up and overwhelm her.”  
“Whoa.” Nina looked over at him, she had expected him to say he thought she was “fine” as well.  
“It seems like you have a really good emotional support system here, Nina.” The doctor raised his eyebrows. “Make sure to utilize it.”

“Did you mean all those things you said at the appointment today?” Nina asked once they were in bed with the lights out.  
“Yes.” Ian ran his fingertips along her arm. “You know I worry about you.”  
“You don’t have to.” She turned to face him. “Am I being too clingy?”  
“No. No. Absolutely not.” He hugged her to his chest. “That’s not what I meant. You can cling to me anytime. I love when you cling to me. I just wish you would confide in me emotionally as well.”  
“It’s hard.” She scratched the back of his neck and worked her knee between his legs, intertwining their bodies.  
“I know.” He rested his forehead on hers. “But you could try.” 

 

When Nina came home from work, Ian was standing at the stove cooking dinner. She walked over to hug and kiss him and nestled herself into his side. 

“Wine?” He rubbed her side.  
“No thank you.”  
“Did you have a good day?”  
“Yeah.” She detangled herself from his side and sat on the edge of the counter. “I got a call back for that thing at MTV.”  
“That’s great.” Ian kept his eyes on the stove.  
“It would be huge for my career.” She swung her legs. “I mean, it would open up music, movies, theater… Ian! “ She tossed an oven mitt at his head. “Are you even listening to me?”  
“Yes.” He moved to stand between her legs and kissed her. He slid his hands around her body and up the back of her shirt.  
“Ian.” She grabbed his hands. “Don’t. I’m trying to talk to you.”  
“What is there to talk about?” He raised his eyebrows. “You know if you get it, you are going to take it.” He went back to the stove.  
“Well, yeah. You don’t have to be so negative about everything.”  
“I’m not being negative, Nina. I just miss my girlfriend.” He stirred the pot of pasta. “If you want my honest opinion, I really don’t think you need one more job right now.”  
“It’s not about A JOB, it’s about advancing my career.” She crossed her arms. “And I’m not the only one in the room with multiple professional obligations.” She pointed at him. “POT. KETLE.”  
“You’re right, Bear has been working exceptionally hard lately.” Ian joked. “I don’t want to fight.” He put a hand on her leg.  
“You always say you ‘don’t want to fight’ but then we never end up talking about anything.”  
“Nina… It’s late, let’s just eat. Okay?”  
“Case and point.” She threw her arms up and hopped down with a huff. 

 

It had been a few weeks since the miscarriage and they hadn’t had sex yet. Saturday night movie and wine on the couch quickly went from cuddling to kissing to clothing being shed. Ian had asked Nina if she wanted to go upstairs and she did, but once they were in bed, they both started to get cold feet. 

“How do you…” Ian murmured as the laid next to each other like awkward virgins. “Do you want to get on top?”  
“Okay.” 

Ian relaxed back on to the pillows behind him and Nina climbed on to his lap. She held her hair to one side as she bent down to nip and suck his lip. Ian ran his fingertips up the backs of her thighs, over her ass, and to the curve of her back. 

Nina sat back on her heels and took the condom Ian had left on the bedside table. Normally they would have fucked around, letting him tease himself to the edge of orgasm before bothering with a condom, but they both knew that wouldn’t be happening tonight. 

She used her teeth to tear the packet open and rolled it on to his penis. She looked down her body. Her breasts looked deflated and her stomach still had a little rounded protrusion, the longer she looked, the less sexual she felt.

“Hey.” Ian rubbed her thighs. “What’s wrong?”  
“My body is different.” She shook her head.  
“You look beautiful.” He held her face in his hands. “This body just had a really traumatic experience.” He sat up and kissed her. “Be nice to it.” She nodded and folded her arms into Ian’s chest so he could hold her. “Do you want me to get on top?”  
“No. I’m okay.” She assured him. “I just needed a moment.”

She leaned back on his legs and reached between their bodies. She grasped his dick in her hand and positioned her pelvis so she could melt down on to him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and cautiously lowered her body, accepting him an inch at a time. 

“Are you okay?” Ian asked when he was fully enveloped inside her body.

She nodded into his neck, where she had her face buried. He breath was ragged and irregular. They had yet to start moving, but there were already intermittent whimpers coming from her lips. 

“Am I hurting you?” He turned his face to hers and stroked her hair.  
“No.” She shook her head and kissed him. “I’m okay.” 

Ian held her her by the ribcage and kissed down her chest. He squeezed her breast in his hand and ran his tongue across her nipple, teasing it to attention. He gently rocked his hips, he was so hard, he felt like his dick might bust right through the condom. 

Nina stared at the ceiling. She couldn’t stop thinking about what her breasts looked like. They had filled in anticipation of their baby and emptied just as quickly. She used to be able to practically reach orgasm from nipple stimulation alone, now the sensation of Ian’s mouth made her feel weird and uncomfortable. 

“Ian.” She gripped his shoulder.  
“What?” He looked up at her.  
“I… I don’t want…” She didn’t knot how to phrase it without sounding completely crazy. “I don’t want that right now.”  
“You don’t want me to touch your boobs?” He furrowed his brow with confusion.  
“I’m sorry… I just…”  
“It’s okay. It’s your body.” He rubbed her thighs. “You know you can always tell me what you do and don’t want.” He kissed her. “Okay?”

Nina nodded and pushed him back on to the pillows behind him. She braced her hands on his chest and rolled her hips, quickly working towards to rhythm. Her fingernails dug into his chest as she continued to ride him. She closed her eyes and hung her head, her hair falling in a sheet around her. She bit her lip in concentration as she tilted her pelvis and tried to lose herself in sensation. 

“Just go slowly, baby.” Ian reminded her when he saw the frustrated look on her face. 

He gripped her waist and thrust up into her in an effort to take some of the work away from her. He could feel the tension she was holding in her muscles. He moved his hand between her legs and pressed his thumb into the engorged tissue around her clit, for a moment she rubbed her pelvis into it, but then, she stopped. 

“I’m sorry…” She stilled her hips and took his hand from between her legs. “I just can’t…”  
“It’s okay.” Ian cut her off and sat up to hug her. 

He gently rocked their bodies. They hadn’t had sex in so long, he had been close to coming when they were just kissing on the couch, so even it the awkward position, it only took a few more thrusts before he was filling the condom. 

He reached between their bodies and held the condom in place as he very carefully pulled out. As much as he wanted to stay inside her and bask in the post coddle bliss, he was somewhat terrified by her emotional response to what had just happened. He rolled their bodies so she was beneath him.

“Did it hurt?”  
“No.” She combed her fingers through his hair. “Not physically.” She looked up at his eyes, which were searching in hers. “I just couldn’t relax. When you were inside me, it felt…I don’t know… I’m sorry.”  
“You have nothing to be sorry about.” He brushed his nose against hers. “This was a big step, you can’t expect everything to come all at once. We will get there.” Nina closed her eyes and little tears slipped out of the sides. He used his fingertips to intercept her tears before they hit the pillow under her head. “Don’t cry, baby.” 

She looked up at him and chewed her lip. Ian rolled on to his back and she curled into his side. He pulled the duvet up around their bodies and combed his fingers through Nina’s hair. 

“Can you reach your shirt?” She asked after a moment, she didn’t want to be exposed any longer then she had to.

Ian reached over the side of the bed and handed her his t-shirt. She sat and pulled it over her head before cuddling back into him. 

“I love you.” He said into her hair.  
“I love you too.” She looked up at him.  
“Goodnight.” He pulled her closer to his chest.  
“Goodnight.” She closed her eyes as he stroked her back. 

 

“Are you ready to go?” Ian touched Nina’s arm so he could get close to her ear in the overly crowed bar.  
“It’s only 11:30.” She turned away from the group of girls she was chatting with to face him.  
“ONLY 11:30? We’ve been up since 5.”  
“It’s Friday!” She wrapped her arms around his neck and swayed their bodies. “This is what Friday’s are for!”

“NINA!” Kennedy’s voice echoed through the room. “Have another shot!”

“No.” Ian looked at her. 

She was already drunk but it didn’t stop her from stepping out of his arms and making her way back to their table for the round of shots. Ian followed her but declined the shot he was offered. 

“Let’s dance!” She turned to Ian.  
“No.” He held her hands. “Home. You’re drunk. Don’t be a brat.”  
“Ian!” Her voice got louder. “I don’t want to go! I’m having fun!”  
“Come here.” He held her body to his and put his mouth next to her ear. “It is late and you are drunk and tired. We will see all these people again soon. We are going home. Did you bring a coat?”  
“No.” She looked at her feet. “Ian…”  
“We’re going.” He took her hand and led her through the crowd. 

“I thought you were bringing me home.” Nina said as they pulled into Ian’s driveway.  
“It’s late, I’m not driving across town.”  
“You know, it’s really fucking embarrassing when you talk to me like that in front of our friends.”  
“Like what?”  
“Like a child.”  
“I was not talking to you like a child.” He kept his voice low, as hers got louder.  
“Yes. You were.”  
“No. I wasn’t. You were being drunk and belligerent and I told you it was time to go home.”  
“I wasn’t being drunk and belligerent!”  
“Really?” He raised his eyebrows. “What were you being?”

She paused and stared into his eyes. 

“I was being 24 years old.”

 

Nina woke up in bed alone. She heard Ian’s voice as it echoed through the house and was slightly annoyed when she realized he was on a conference call. It was the first weekend they had been in the same state in weeks and he was working. 

She stood at the kitchen island and poured herself a cup of coffee before going to sit in his lap. He padded her bare legs, his attention still on the computer screen in front of him. 

“If you can send that over to me now, I can have it done by the morning… Yup… Okay… Yeah… Okay… See you then. Bye.” He ended the call. “Good morning.” He hugged Nina’s warm body to him. “Don’t give me that face.”  
“I’m not doing anything.”  
“You know I can’t always predict when these things are going to come up.” He kissed her and suckled her coffee flavored lip. “It’s a documentary, it moves at the speed of real life.”  
“I know.” Nina shrugged.  
“If I can knock this out today, we will have all day tomorrow.”  
“I have a fitting tomorrow.” She stood. “If you’re going to be working, I’m going to go to yoga.” 

Since Ian was working, Nina went to meet friends for dinner. 

“We are going to Cuba in the spring. It’s going to be amazing. You should come!” Her friend Sophie said.  
“That would be amazing.” She looked down at her untouched plate of food.  
“Ian would never go thought.”  
“You know, Nina….” She looked at their friend Margret. “I love Ian as much as the next person. He’s handsome and charming and nice and he takes really good care of you. Honestly, he’s hard NOT to like… But you guys just don’t want the same things.”  
“Yes we do.” Nina eagerly came to his defense. “We do.”  
“Keep telling yourself that, girl.” Sophie took a sip of her wine.  
“You hold each other back.” Margret said. “You are going to have to decide who you love more: Ian or yourself.” 

When Nina returned from dinner, Ian was still working on his laptop at the kitchen table. She kicked off her shoes and sat in his lap.

“Hey, baby.” He sat back in his chair and wrapped his arms around her. “Did you have fun with your friends?”  
“Yes. Are you almost done working?”  
“I’m not even close.”  
“I don’t want to go to bed alone.” She pouted her lip out.  
“I’m sorry, sweetie.” He tucked hair behind her ears. “You know this is out of my control. Stay and have a glass of wine with me.”  
“And watch you work?” She raised her eyebrows. “No thank you.” She rubbed his chest, feeling his muscles through his shirt. “I’m going to bed.”  
“Okay.” He held her face and kissed her. “Goodnight.”  
“Goodnight, Ian.” 

 

They had to go to Michigan for Ian’s cousin’s wedding. As Nina sat at the table with his Mother and watched him swing one of his nieces around the dance floor, she felt calm and relaxed for the first time in a long time. 

“I’m so glad you guys made the trip.” Mrs. Somerhalder said.  
“Of course.” Nina sat back in her chair. “It feels great to get out of LA.”  
“Ian is so cute with the kids, isn’t he?”  
“Ian is cute doing just about anything.” Nina giggled.  
“True.” His Mother smiled. “He’s pretty easy on the eyes, right?” Nina nodded. “You know, Nina…” Nina braced herself for what was coming, statements that started like that were never good. “Ian is not getting any younger. He wants a family… And I know you might not be ready to make that commitment, which is fine for someone your age but not for him. He needs to settle down.” She paused. “The problem is, he is so in love with you, he is never going to leave you.”  
“I…” Nina’s eyes filled with tears. For the first time ever she wished they had told people about the baby. She wished his Mother knew how she had been ready and brave and stepped up. “I don’t think I know what you want me to say.”  
“He told me about the proposal.”  
“Oh.” Nina could feel her face getting flushed thinking back to that New Years Eve two years before.  
“If you love him as much as you say you do, don’t be selfish with him.” She padded Nina’s leg. “Let him go.”

Nina stood and walked away from the table. She blinked the tears away and found Ian on the dance floor. He grabbed her and started to sway their hips. 

“Dance with me…” He kissed her neck.  
“I’m tired. I want to go back to the room.”  
“Are you okay?” He pulled his head back to look at her.  
“Yeah. Just tired.”  
“I’ll come.”  
“You’re having fun, stay.”  
“Nah.” He took her hand. “Let’s go.”

 

Their room had a panoramic view of the lake and the lights of boats twinkled in the distance. Nina went to change in the bathroom and Ian changed in the bedroom. He was standing at the window in his boxers when he felt her body press into his back and her arms wrap around him. 

“It’s so beautiful.” He wrapped his arms around hers.  
“It really is.” She kissed his shoulder.  
“What are you doing?”  
“Do you not want me to?” She took a step back so he could turn to face her.  
“Of course I want you to.” He held her head. “I always want you to.” He looked down at the lacy push up bra and panties she was wearing. “I’m just surprised.”  
“I’m ready.” She stood on her tippy toes and kissed him. “Please.”

He held her sides and sat her on the edge of the desk. Their kiss was slow and tender and Ian kept his hands on Nina’s sides and back, thinking those were probably safe zones for touching and not wanting to try too much to soon. He kissed down her neck and used his tongue to trace her shoulder. 

Nina opened her legs so he could get closer to her. She slid her hands around his back and squeezed his ass. He moaned into her neck and rubbed his pelvis into her groin. He was still soft, but Nina thought he was probably just drunk. She pulled his boxers down his hips and took his warm, doughy penis in her hands. She worked her hands in tandem moving them up and down and then squeezing the shaft, trapping the blood flow in the head. He stiffened slightly but was still hanging partially limp in her hands.

Ian ran his fingertips across her back and closed his eyes. He tried to concentrate on what her hands were doing but he was scared and he was letting it show. Nina licked across his chest, pausing at his nipple and closing her mouth around it as she continued to move her hands around his shaft. 

“How much did you have to drink?” Nina looked up at him.  
“I’m not drunk.” He shook his head and pulled his boxers back up over his hips, making sure his poor, partially stiff penis was tucked away.  
“What’s wrong?”  
“I’m…” He sighed and put his hands on his hips. “I’m a little nervous.”  
“Ian. Don’t be stupid.”  
“The last time we had sex, you cried yourself to sleep.”  
“I’m fine.” She said sternly. “Now.” She leaned back on her hands. “What do I have to do to get you hard?” She raised her eyebrows. “Do you want to touch my boobs?” She took her bra off and tossed it to the floor. Her breasts had filled back out to their normal size.  
“Can I?” Ian watched her.  
“Actually… No. I have a better idea.” She brought a hand to her breast and squeezed it. “You can watch and I’ll touch myself.” She pinched her nipple. “Would you like that?” She bent her knees and brought her feet up to rest on the edge of the desk.

Ian nodded eagerly and watched as she braced her weight on one hand and used the other to grope her breast. She closed her eyes and let her head fall back. She slid her head down her belly and under the waistband of her panties. She dipped her fingers into her vagina to lubricate them and then brought them back up to her breast, rolling her nipple between her fingers. 

“Is this what you do when you’re alone?” His voice was low and husky as he reached his own hand into his boxers and stroked his penis. Nina nodded and sucked her bottom lip. “You think about me and touch yourself?” She nodded again. “Do you think about me fucking you?”  
“Yes…” Nina let out a long breath and squeezed her breast.

Nina looked over at him and smiled, she could see he already had an erection. She brought her hand back between her legs and pinched and teased her clit. Ian pulled his dick out. His cock was glistening with pre ejaculate and Nina closed her eyes and thought about having it inside her as she rubbed herself until she orgasmed. 

When Ian could take a moment longer, he moved back between her legs and stroked her thighs. He hooked his hands under her knees and pulled her feet over the side so she was sitting upright. Nina opened her eyes and looked at him. She took her hand out of her panties and leaned forward. When her lips were millimeters from his penis, she looked up at him and waited for him to make a move. 

He took his erection in his hand and forced the swollen head through her lips. He moved his hand to the back of her head and gave it a gentle scratch. He let out a long groan as she ran the tip of her tongue around the ridge and then lowered her head, taking more of the shaft into her mouth. She swallowed around him. When she dragged her mouth back to the tip, Ian gently tugged her hair. He smiled and held her face. “Don’t go anywhere.” He kissed her.

He went to the bathroom and then walked back towards Nina while simultaneously trying to get a condom on. Nina giggled as he wrapped his arms around her and wiped the hair off her forehead. 

“I love you so much.” He brushed his lips against hers and then tipped his head to the other side to kiss her again.  
“I love you too.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and opened her mouth to against his, rolling her tongue into it. 

Ian reached between their bodies and moved the crotch of her panties to the side before thrusting up into her. He kept a hand flat on her lower back as he made long, deep strokes. 

Nina’s body slid around the desk with the force of each of his movements. She clung to him and bit her lip as he pounded into her. The sound of their bodies slapping together echoed through the hotel room. 

“Oh God.” Nina breathed into his neck. “Ian…” She gripped his shoulders as he thrust up into her. “Ian.”  
“I want…” She tried to form a sentence as he brought her to the edge of orgasm. “I want…” She groaned.  
“What do you want?” He sucked her lip.  
“The bed.”  
“You want to go to the bed?” 

She grunted in response. He picked her up and carried her across the room. He laid her on the bed. He slowly pulled his swollen, dripping cock from her body and pulled her panties down her legs. 

Nina extended her arms and he settled on top of her. He used the flat of his hands to wipe the perspiration from her hairline as he gently pushed back into her. He kissed down her chest and to her breast. He looked up at her for permission to proceed; she cupped the back of his head and guided it to her nipple. He rhythmically suckled while he brought his hips back up to speed. 

Nina was squirming beneath him, making all those delicious sounds she made when she was close to coming. He bent her leg and held it into her chest so he could get deeper. He brought his mouth back to hers and nibbled her pouted lip as her orgasm peaked. Her thighs tightened and her arms locked Ian to her, restricting his range of motion. 

Ian rested his forehead on hers as his muscles tensed and his body became ridged. He moved as well as he could in Nina’s grip and bit into her swollen lip. He grunted and groaned as he came, filling the latex barrier with weeks of pent up pain and frustration. 

For a long time, they didn’t move. They stayed together, Ian still deep inside her as they caught their breaths, occasionally pausing to brush their lips against one another. 

“What were you and my Mom talking about?” Ian asked once they were all cuddled up under the duvet and Nina was lying on his chest.  
“You saw that?” She cringed.  
“Yup.” He ran his hands along her back.  
“Nothing.” She turned her head to kiss him. “Just about how much we both love you.”

 

When they landed at LAX, the paparazzi were waiting. Nina put her hood up and kept her head down. Ian walked far enough behind her that they were barely in the same camera frame. 

“Ian, look at this woman, come on! Where is that ring?!”

For once, Ian didn’t have a snarky remark. He jogged a little to catch up with her and took her hand as they walked to the car. 

 

Their show had been renewed for another season at a payout they couldn’t turn down and everyone resigned their contracts. As they sat in their agent’s office, Ian stared across the table at Nina. 

“What?” She mouthed. “You’re being creepy.” She flipped through the contract on the table.  
“I’m happy.”  
“Yes, Ian. Money makes everyone happy.” She signed the page in front of her.  
“No.” He chuckled. “It’s not the money… I’m happy we have another year together.”  
“Oh.” Nina put her pen down. “Me too.” 

 

“You’re still up.” Ian said as he strolled into her bedroom that night.  
“Yup.” Nina looked over from where she was resting against a stack of pillows intently studying a script. “I didn’t know you were coming over.”  
“Do you want me to leave?” He joked.  
“I guess you can stay.” She cocked her head.  
“Good.” He kicked off his shoes and crawled across the bed. “I miss you.” He took the script from her hands and put it on the bedside table. “We haven’t had enough time together lately.” He nudged her knees apart and laid between them, resting his head on her belly.  
“I know.” Nina combed her fingers through his hair.  
“You’re so fucking cute when you wear your glasses.” Ian picked his head up and gripped her waist, he dug his fingers into her until she was giggling and squirming under him.  
“Hey.” She held his head. “Play fairly.”  
“Fine, fine.” He smirked up at her while he pushed her t-shirt up and kissed her stomach. 

He stopped to suckle a mouthful of skin at her hip. She was even thinner then she was before she had gotten pregnant, her bones very prominent. He made his way back up her body, while Nina pulled her shirt off, her glasses getting lost in the process. She moved her hands to Ian’s pants and worked her way in as he discarded his shirt. 

Ian kicked his pants off his feet and slid Nina’s panties down her legs. He entered her in a single movement and swallowed her groan. He braced his weight on his forearms and pulled all the way out before pushing back in. He wasted no time, immediately building to a rapid pace of pounding into her. 

“Fuck.” He breathed out. “Baby…”

The force of his movements were jerking her whole body along the mattress, she gripped his arms and hitched her legs up around his hips, his thrusts were hard and his rhythm relentless. He held her chin and turned her face to his before forcing his tongue into her mouth. 

Nina brought her hands to his hair and held their head’s close as he pounded into her. He braced his weight on either side of her torso and completely lost himself in sensation. 

“Baby...” Nina tried to form a sentence as he trust into her forcefully. “You’re… You’re not wearing a condom…” She reminded him when she started to recognize the rhythmic grunts of his orgasm.  
“I don’t care… I love you.” He breathed into her neck, never slowing his hips. “Let’s make a baby.”  
“Oh… No… No.” Nina scratched the back of his head, thinking he was joking. “Babe.” When he didn’t respond, she gripped the hair in her hand. “Ian.” She tensed her thighs and put her hands on his chest. “Ian. Stop!”  
“What?” He stopped moving his hips and looked down at her.  
“Are you even serious right now?” She pushed him off her and moved out from underneath his body. “That’s not a joke, Ian! After everything we’ve been though!” She walked into the bathroom and slammed the door behind her. 

 

“I’m sorry.” Ian said into the dark bedroom once she had gotten back into bed. “That’s not a joke.” He tried to spoon up behind her but she rolled on to her back to keep his body away from hers.  
“I just want to go to sleep.”  
“Okay.” He rubbed her arm. “Goodnight. I love you.” 

 

“We have to talk about something.” Nina poured Ian a glass of wine after work one night.  
“Oh.” He took a sip of his wine. “Conversations that start like that are scary.”  
“I’m sorry… I don’t know any other way to phrase it.” She paused. “I got that movie.”  
“That’s great, baby.” Ian took her hand and held it in his. “I told you you would.”  
“It shoots in Japan… For ten weeks.”  
“Don’t worry.” He shook his head. “I’m sure we can work out some kind of partial schedule.” He squeezed her hand.  
“I already signed the contract.” She pulled her hand from his.  
“You signed it without talking to me?” He paused. “Look, Nina… I just don’t know how we are supposed to be together when we are never together.” She looked down at her lap, unable to look him in the eyes. “Unless you don’t want to be together… Do you not want to be together? Is that what this is about?”  
“It’s not that I don’t love you, because I do. And it’s not that I want to date other people because I don’t...” Her voice hitched. “…But it’s not fair to you that I can’t give 100% to this relationship.” A single tear slid down her cheek. “Because you deserve someone who will give you 100%.”  
“If you are telling me that you are done, we are really done this time. We can’t keep doing this to each other. It’s not good for either one of us.” He used his index finger to wipe her tears. “Are we really done?”

She nodded. She couldn’t speak without getting hysterical and that was the last thing she wanted to do. Ian stood and put his wine glass in the sink. He braced his hands on the porcelain and let his head hang. 

“You know, Nina…” He shook his head. It was amazing how you could be with someone for so long and could still have moments where you looked at them and saw a complete stranger. “You’re not the only one who lost a baby that day.” 

 

When they returned from the summer hiatus, the first table read was just as awkward as the previous year. Nina was still crossing and uncrossing those long, tan, summer legs, but there was something different about her. Something Ian couldn’t quite put his finger on. 

Over the past few months, he had watched from a distance as she was photographed at a different event every night, with a different group of a-listers, her blinding white smile happily on display. He wondered if she had changed or if maybe that was whom she always had been and he had been holding her back. He didn’t know. 

This girl, who he watched cross and uncross her long, tan, summer legs, was not that girl who he had loved. She was not the girl who he had lovingly made a baby with and then held while she cried as it was stolen from her body. The baby that he still kept an ultrasound photo of under a stack of papers in the bottom left drawer in the mahogany desk in his home office. 

That girl was gone.


End file.
